I DID NOT want to teach today. I've been feeling a bit worn down lately. Part of it is a deep realization that I am having trouble pretending to like my other job (bartending). It is becoming increasingly difficult to face up to people who are constantly rude, selfish, and unforgiving. Please do not misunderstand, there are parts of my job I very much like, and some people who are so very nice, thoughtful, and appreciative, but this not always the case in the service industry, but that is a story for another day, and for possibly another blog, anyway... back to today.
I opened up the studio about 25 minutes before class, lit some incense and candles and played some music and prepared for class. I was having trouble locking down my Word of the Day when this overwhelming feeling of .....overwhelm... whelmed over me? In that moment I realized what I had known but hadn't taken notice of yet, and that was that I haven't actually had a day to myself, to rest, since I started teaching. It's been about 6 months now. I knew my word of the day, then, would be "rest", an an attempt to practice it myself. In fact, it is built IN to our practice, we rest at the end of every class to fully receive the benefits of all of the hard work we've done. When studying for the Yogahour Teacher Training test I skipped out on this very important aspect of the Teacher Training and I suffered greatly. I got sick, had a shorter attention span, and was unable to focus. WE NEED rest. We cannot continue to go go go even when we have a great desire to learn and GROW GROW GROW. In order to fully utilize all of the poses, thoughts, cues we've learned we must rest. Boom, word of the day handled... still didn't want to teach the class though.. and I was silently hoping no one would show up, then I could maybe hold the space and meditate for an hour or so.
8 minutes til class starts... a car rolls up, nope, they head next door. T-minus 7 minutes.. a car pulls up... also goes next door... 6 minutes to go... a car pulls up, I'm thinking there may be a good chance they will head next door, but they've parked closer to my door... crap... then I see the fitted clothing indicative of us active types... double crap...
A beautiful woman comes in and asks if she can practice here today, I say yes of course we have a class that is just about to begin. It turns out she is visiting from St Paul, I ask her to fill out a waiver as it's her first time here. I check the waiver, as I often do, for injuries, limitations, and first timers. She has some thoracic spinal issues, SI issues, and some fused discs, it indicates. I happen to glance at her as she is putting her things away and her shirt lifts up, and I see her back scars, They look like a large arrow pointing down, running what looks like the length from her low back to bottom. Dang, I'm pretty lucky I'm in good health.
4 minutes to go, 5 more people show up! Awesome! LET'S DO THIS!
We get through our warm ups and I can't help but keep an eye on my out-of-towner, she is making her own modifications, but it looks like she cannot even bend her back, not even a little bit. She knows her limitations, she uses her own props and does her own modifications, and continue to watch. After the warm-ups, on to standing sage I get another overwhelming feeling, "how beautiful these bodies are". This particular class ranges in age but usually it is in the 40s and 50s range, and they so continue to inspire. They are here to take care of themselves, to love the body that has given them so many years. They are here to learn, and grow, and know when to rest when they have to. I almost start crying during class. Bring it back Annie! Okay back to teaching.
We end class, and I am now full. Full of love, gratitude, awe, and sheer joy for my job. I compare this to other things I've done and this tops them all. I love what I do, I LOVE what I do. I answer some questions, and make sure to tell my out-of-towner it was a pleasure to watch her practice, and that she is tenacious! I listen as others talk about their experience and how one gentleman came to yoga when he realized he couldn't brush his teeth without his arm hurting, and he amazes me. I loved my class today, and couldn't have asked for a better class, even though in the beginning I wasn't really having it, my students change me, as they usually always do.
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