Teaching my 4:00 p.m. Yogahour class on Sunday, February 16, 2014 marked the 50th hour of yoga I've taught. As of today that number is now 53. This includes teaching two Intro to Yoga classes as well as two private sessions. This averages to about 3.5 hours of class per week, although some weeks I taught up to 8 classes, and up to 4 in one day. I've taught students from 14 (a mother and her daughter) to people in their 60's (although I'd never ask because I'm not very good at this "being social" thing), including one man in particular who goes to two yoga classes a day to reduce his risk for another heart attack (yes he's had 2). I don't say any of this to bolster myself or search for credibility. I am writing this to relay my experience, my journey, my surrender with yoga and Yogahour.
I grew up in Yogahour, I fell in love with it's sweat factor, the flow, the pace, and the music. Although I am nowhere near Gladwell's 10,000 hours, so much of me has changed in the last 3 months. I taught my first Yogahour class at the Downtown studio. I had just gotten out of D's morning class and was thinking about how badly I wanted to teach at YogaOasis. I thought to myself, "they probably don't know this", so I sent a private message to Darren on Facebook asking what I needed to do in order to start teaching at YogaOasis. No shit, within a few hours I had gotten a call from Rachel asking if I would be willing to sub a class that evening. My brain, at first, said "Oh hell no", and then my heart told me to GO, so I went. With a couple of dear friends there to support me, a few years of practicing yoga to back me up, and a half memorized script I stood shaking in front of a group of people I was sure would throw salad fix-ins at me and boo me off stage as soon as class was over. None of that happened, and some people even thanked me for teaching that evening. As with facing any fear, the anxiety of teaching has gone down, my comfort in the seat of teacher has softened, my ability to teach effectively has increased by leaps and bounds.
Almost every class, I fight off the nervous energy that accompanies the feeling that these students have entrusted me with their time and attention. I think of the high regard with which I view my teachers and I wish to display to my students this same appreciation. I used to think that I could only do this by being perfect, never messing up, never giving the wrong cue, and this is the one idea that has changed the most throughout this process. I know this because I am the clumsiest yoga teacher ever! I have tripped over blankets, turned the wrong lights on or off during class, and even dropped the chimes during savasana. The difference between the me of 6 months ago and the person I am now is that I am much more accepting of this person. I love her a little more, I embrace her regularly and even tell her how beautifully she is growing. I am terrified most every day I teach, but I do it anyway because I know what is on the other side.
I can't say that I can effectively relay or produce these feelings in other people. I would even go so far as to say that isn't my job as a yoga teacher. I believe my job is to hold the space for this to occur in others as it has for me, to honor the space created by those who have come before me, centuries ago, and to hold the space for those who will continue on this path long after I am gone.
Yogahour for me is about balance. It is the "and" of all things; strength and flexibility, slow and fast, creativity and consistency, stop and go, teacher and student. Embracing the role of teacher reminds me how far I've come and how far I have yet to go. Thank you for that.
